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A Crazy Little Thing Called (Self) Love


A Crazy Little Thing Called (Self) Love

By: Ellen Brenner, Certified Aromatherapist

Ah! The Season of Love! We are reminded to express our love to those we love.

So, while you are handing out all those Valentines to others, let’s also include ourselves. A Crazy Little Thing Called (Self) Love is another opportunity to practice conscious wellness.

Do you love yourself unconditionally?

If you answered in the affirmative, that is awesome! Many of us, however, are on various forks in the path still working our way there.

Some never learned how and some believe they aren’t worthy. Some learned love was conditional.

Well, let me share one ginormous Valentine that was shared with me by a gifted healer, teacher and mentor, Dr. Dorothy Martin-Neville:

“You are worthy of love simply because you exist.”

Think about that for a moment. Not because of what you do for others, or how you look, or how smart you are, or how well you do your job, or what a great spouse or parent you are.

“You are worthy of love simply because you exist.”

Oh man! If we could all just get through life with that understanding intact, I do believe we would have world peace. But, alas, what we learn in our lives along the way can get in the way.

There might be those voices in your head telling you otherwise. In Food for Thought we discussed how the voices we mind may not be your own. So, you can’t believe everything you think.

We discussed how our chronic negative emotions can become self-limiting beliefs and how over time that becomes how we see the world. That world includes how we see ourselves. And, well, when we don’t love ourselves, it can affect our sense of self.

My ex-husband was emotionally abusive.

I believed that marriage wasn’t easy. That it took hard work over the long haul. Not to be so sensitive. To be a good girl. To be tough and shake things off.

I had also believed that I earned love by what I did for others and how well I performed. I had low self-esteem and I didn’t know how to love myself. And, I was disconnected from my authentic self. And, so, I felt affirmed and worthy when that love and acceptance was bestowed on me by others.

This was the manifestation of my self-limiting belief system that I perceived as reality.

And, I didn’t understand that all those mixed together made an unholy gumbo for someone who needed that on which to feast his own fears.

I share this part of my story because it was the start of my journey to whole–heartedly work toward healing my whole being. And, that includes learning to love myself simply because I exist. When we don’t know how to love ourselves how do we feel worthy of love from one who is worthy of sharing it with us?

I discovered, through therapeutic work and the support of others, that it was simply chronic negative emotions and self-limiting belief systems masquerading as my reality through the window with which I viewed the world. What a gift when I discovered that they were beliefs that can be changed. And, I myself, held the power change them by learning how to love myself.

When we are able to look through the window inward, we can begin to see our core essence – who we truly are and came into the world to be. The soul that is worthy of love simply because we exist. And, when I began to connect, with that part of my self – my true self, I felt love.

The trick is staying connected.

When I get up in my head (where I am prone to go when I am not grounded), I disconnect from my seat of love and those voices can start to pull me toward the fear, anxiety and stress of not being worthy. It is a journey for sure, perhaps my life’s lesson, but I know longer live in that unreality.

I don’t have a magic bullet to offer. For me, it has been a lot of work, and a work in progress, with the support of many gifted healers and teachers over the years. And, while I have sought the support of professionals along certain steps, I also seek to tap into my own sense of self-support.

This is one of the reasons that mindfulness work is so important to me. It is a practice that brings me back to the path of healing. It is part of the work of learning and staying connected to and believing in the unconditional love of myself. Mindfulness techniques such as journaling and meditation, affirmations, being aware of negative self-talk and emotions are wonderfully self-empowering.

As always, aromatherapy provides a wonderful companion on my journey toward optimal wellbeing, whether it is in the moment, or providing support for a healing practice. They say when the student is ready the teacher appears. That is very true for me in aromatherapy. At a time in my life when I have renewed my greater focus on freeing whatever heart constraints remain, I have been very drawn to the beautiful rose otto.

For time immemorial roses have been the language of love.

We think of them when we give to another. But, what a wonderful gift we can give to ourselves, for rose offers a beautiful support for the spirit for those seeking working on wounds of the heart.

In our subtle body, our core essence and our natural energy flow — the heart center is seated at the place where our physical self and spiritual self meet. Its purposes are to regulate love and balance in our being. Yet, the heart is often the seat of heartache, emotional pain, grief and loss. When blocked by these imbalances, it is difficult for us to experience love and acceptance either for self or for others.

In subtle aromatherapy, rose is also one of the first choices for healing the heart and promoting love of self. Robbi Zeck, in “The Blossoming Heart” recommends rose for times when you feel unloved to help embrace your own divine love within. Gabriel Mojay in “Aromatherapy for Healing the Spirit,” recommends rose for repair of love, trust and self-acceptance when the heart has been hurt. In “Aromatherapy and Subtle Energy Techniques,” Joni Kein and Ruah Bull indicate rose to provide comfort for heartache and to support love compassion, acceptance for self and others.

A decade and a half later, I am in a much happier and healthier place. While I appreciate and feel uplifted and affirmed by the love of others, I have learned to love myself simply for who I am – simply because I exist.

There is still work to clear out some of the webs woven into the spiritual level, to clear out old hurt, grievances and programming, but I have also learned what lies beneath. A pureness of heart that can radiate unconditional love in such a way that it can bring balance not only to our own wellbeing, but also a whole-heartedness to others.

As I continue brighten my heart light, these are some of the blends that beauty in a bottle, rose otto, has inspired. I hope they inspire and support you should you be working to heal your heart as well.

From my heart to yours, on this day of love and beyond, I wish you unconditional and whole-hearted love!

“You are worthy of love simply because you exist.”

Notes on Rose Otto 10%:

  • These synergies all use rose otto 10%. Plant Therapy offers organic rose otto undiluted, or pre-diluted to 10% in carrier oil. I’ve used the diluted version. Precious rose otto is not only rich to the budget, it is rich to the nose. It is a very fragrant flower. While I love rose, I am not fond of floral scents that “take over.” I find the proportion in these synergies plays nice with others.
  • Diluted rose otto is not appropriate for a an electronic diffuser. But, these blends are for highly personal work and best reserved for personal inhalation.
  • Cautions: Rose otto is not considered KidSafe and the maximum topical dilution recommended is 0.6%.

These mini-master blends are perfect for personal inhalers, passive diffusion such as aromatherapy jewelry, or anointing blends diluted to 1% in roller bottles to use as companions to your healing practices.

Beloved Beach Rose

2 drops rose otto 10%

2 drops sandalwood

1 drop bergamot

Balancing to mind, body and spirit. Opens the heart center to love. Eases grief and heartache. Supports healing on all levels. Invites positive, optimistic energy. Quiets the mind and promotes a sense of wellbeing and serenity. Uplifting and calming. Encourages acceptance of self and others. Helps to connect to our inner essence. Grounds while opening to a higher state of consciousness.

Hearts and Flowers

1 drop neroli

2 drops lavender fine

1 drop rose otto 10%

1 drop mandarin

Balancing to body, mind and spirit. Promotes sense of peace and wellbeing. Invites positive energy. Uplifts the heart and encourages joyful love for self and others. Calms and comforts the heart. Eases grief, sorrow and heartache. Encourages compassion, acceptance and forgiveness.

Sunshine of My Heart

2 drops lime

2 drops rose otto 10%

1 drop coriander

Restorative and uplifting. Invites positive energy and promotes a sense of wellbeing. Encourages emotional warmth and passion. Encourages love and compassion for self and others. Eases and comforts the heart. Helps support the healing of heart wounds.

Precious Peace of My Heart

1 drop melissa

2 drops yuzu*

1 drop rose otto 10%

1 drop sandalwood

Balancing to mind, body, and spirit. Restorative supporting healing on all levels. Encourages an overall sense of wellbeing. Supports acceptance, peace, and serenity. Encourages unconditional love. Invites positive energy, hope, love and compassion. Supports love and patience for self and others. Helps to connect to our inner essence. Helps to ground while linking to a higher consciousness.

*If you do not have yuzu, you might try bergamot, mandarin, or lemon to suit your senses.


Judith, Anodea. Eastern Body, Western Mind: Psychology and the Chakra System as a Path to the Self. Berkeley, CA: Celestial Arts, 1996. Print.

Zeck, Robbi. The Blossoming Heart: Aromatherapy for Healing and Transformation. East Ivanhoe, Victoria: Aroma Tours, 2004. Print.

Mojay, Gabriel. Aromatherapy for Healing the Spirit: Restoring Emotional and Mental Balance with Essential Oils. Rochester, VT: Healing Arts, 1999. Print.

Kein, Joni, and Ruah Bull. Aromatherapy & Subtle Energy Techniques: Compassionate Healing with Essential Oils. N.p.: CreateSpace, 2015. Print.

Worwood, Valerie Ann. The Complete Book of Essential Oils and Aromatherapy: Over 800 Natural, Nontoxic, and Fragrant Recipes to Create Health, Beauty, and Safe Home and Work Environments. Novato, CA: New World Library, 2016. Print.